New Mission in Life

Okay, so this is not the easiest post for me to write because it requires me to let you in on my most humiliating public experience to date as a mother--and I'm sure it won't be the last. So out of a desire to handle motherhood with a sense of humor, grow as both a mother and a person, and hopefully offer some encouragement I'm going to let you in on all the gory details.

My mom, Olivia, and I were on our way back to Tennessee from Florida after 5 days of visiting with friends when it all came down. We were dropped off at the airport, got ourselves together mom pushing Olivia in the stroller and pulling one suitcase, while I gathered up the remaining luggage and car seat. I started toward the check in when a lady said with a smile, "Now that's a mother's balancing act." I smiled back...a bit pridefully that I "had it all under control." Oh, if I had known then what the remainder of the trip held I would have asked for prayers instead! And it took only a couple of steps for it to start...the luggage buckle holding it all together broke!!!

After a bit of a struggle, we finally made it to the counter, checked in our baggage, and headed for security now more than a few minutes behind schedule and my "I'm always 5 minutes early" temperament feeling stretched to its limit already. By God's grace our trip through security was smooth...at least I don't remember anything about it...and we headed to find food. Olivia needed the bathroom (not because she's potty trained yet, but because her soaked pull up had leaked through to her pants), so I placed my order with mom, innocently unstrapped Olivia from the stroller, and rushed off to the bathroom. Except my rushing was quickly interrupted by Olivia's desire to leisurly roll along the floor.

Now I'm not sure where this has come from, I guess only the mind of a two year old can really understand, but Olivia has this new thing about rolling (or crawling) across rooms.

My solution...just pick her up and dash off to the bathroom. No problem! Right?

Wrong. Imagine trying to pick up a laughing, limp two year old holding her arms high over her head and determined to roll on the ground.

Now if you're thinking to yourself at this point "just pick her up, what's the big deal?" I completely understand because before this day I would have thought the same thing. After all, that's usually what happens when I go to pick her up. But now I realize just how skilled little ones are at manipulating their bodies in such a way as to make it nearly impossible to pick them up. And after managing to pick her up, she continued to manipulate her body so it was completely impossible to get her back in the stroller.

So this is the scene, Olivia trying to roll on the floor, me mostly unsuccesful at picking her up and when I am successful she's either hanging upside down or on her side, Olivia laughing (because of course this is all great fun for her), and hundreds of people trying to manuver around us as I finally get her to the bathroom, back to the table to eat, and then again down the terminal to the furthest gate and all just barely in time to board the plane. By the time we got to our seats I was drenched in sweat visualizing all the looks of disgust on peoples' faces, and Olivia was feeling a little sleepy by all the fun and games. At one point I had actually considered joining her because she was obviously having so much more fun than I was, but the desire to sleep in my own bed kept pushing me forward.

The two hour plane ride was great, and then as soon as we deboard the whole scene begins again, only this time in the bathroom one of the ladies (a very prim and proper lady) who had been watching us since Florida smiled down at Olivia and said, "Are you behaving for your mommy?"

Olivia just stared at her like, "Of course lady. We're all having fun here. It's a fun game. Why are you trying to ruin it for me?" I said something polite and laughed it off even though I wanted to scream and say, "Are you kidding me? You have watched us for the last 3 hours battling it out!" It felt like a subtle attack at the time, though now I'm hoping it was just her attempt to let me know she understood even if it did fall flat.

So, we continue on down to baggage claim...Olivia still determined to roll on the ground even though she's strapped into the stroller (I wasn't about to make the same mistake twice) slouched down dragging her feet on the ground making it difficult to push the stroller (okay, so this is partly poor planning on my part. I have her strapped into a stroller sized for an average size 2 year old instead of one who is as a tall as many 4 and 5 year olds.)

Finally, we get out to the shuttle loading area (it's bed time by now), managed to get everything loaded by ourselves since I didn't have any cash to tip the guy who wanted to help us (they get really mad if you don't tip since that's their only form of payment...I found that out on a trip a couple of years ago), sat down with a sigh of relief, and not 5 seconds later Olivia begins screaming (and I mean screaming!!!) and refusing to sit on my lap. More looks from people, a comment from the driver trying to help me see the funny side of it all, and what seemed like hours later we arrive at the car, strapped her into the car seat and she fell asleep!

I was thankful night had fallen because the darkness seemed to cover my complete failure as a mother over the last few hours. Even though I had mostly kept my cool (I did utter one thing under my breath that I am too ashamed to admit even now...thankfully Olivia was screaming too loud to hear it), I was exhausted, bruised by the looks and comments of strangers, and reliving every moment I had looked on someone disdainfully as if to say, "I could handle that, why can't you?"

Now I realize the Lord doesn't want to leave my failure in the dark. He wants to bring it under His light and expose it so that I can get rid of my pride, my disdain, my lack of compassion. He wants me to be His hands the next time I see a mother struggling under a load of childish behavior. He wants me to be His voice of encouragment to an exhausted mother doing everything within her limited strength and power. He wants to use every good moment and every low moment with precious Olivia to mold me into a woman more like Him. And now, a few days after the incident, I can say with sincerity, "Thank You God for a two year old's will and determination to roll across the airport!!!"

PS And just in case your wondering, a two year old really doesn't care that she'll miss the airplane if her game at the moment is so much fun...no matter how hard you try to convince her (o: