Thoughts

I've been having a lot of thoughts stirring around in my mind regarding home school lately. We haven't been as structured these past few weeks because of illnesses and visiting family, and we don't look to be more structured any time soon as I take the kids home to spend some time with my family while JP is at a required school in Georgia; however, my mind is constantly rolling over the idea of home schooling. And I have to say that these past few months of testing the home school waters have not answered all my questions. I think it's actually stirred up more!

I think part of the reason it has stirred up more questions is that we are by no means against public education...or private education. Both of our parents were teachers for many, many years, and we have great respect for them. There is definitely a need for public education, and we know there are so many wonderful teachers doing a fabulous job in the school systems. Not only that, but we both had very positive experiences with our own formal education. I did my elementary and junior high years at a Lutheran school, which I loved. I loved school! Every part of it...buying new school supplies, meeting a new teacher each fall, desks, text books, recess, school assemblies, cheer leading, field days...I could go on and on, but I think the point is that I loved school.

The place we fall on this issue is that God is going to necessarily lead some families to place their children within the public or private school system, and He is going to necessarily lead some families to home school. And, we know that God may have plans for some families to home school for just a season. He has His purposes for all, and the goal for each family is to determine where He is individually leading them. And that's where we are. Where is God leading our family?

After these months with Olivia and pouring over Blogs of families who home school I am definitely feeling more and more called to this endeavor, but the more I feel the Lord stirring my desires and convictions toward home schooling the more incapable I feel. Especially after the last 3 weeks. We had gotten into such a wonderful groove again at the first of the year. Isaiah has been a wonderfully content baby making it easy to have that one on one time with Olivia. But when we had some curve balls thrown at us, we just fell apart in this area. I realize I do have to cut myself some slack because now that I'm feeling better and have energy again, I also realize how extremely tired I was. That's life, and I think that with the flexibility of home schooling there is room for life to happen. But at the same time my personality tends to allow too much "life" to happen. Follow through is a huge struggle of mine and any excuse I can come up with just feeds that struggle. I certainly don't want my children to suffer academically because I can't follow through with what needs to be done. But then, I feel God's voice speaking to my heart that He will give me the strength to work through these questions...that it is Him who allows me to do what He calls me to do.

See, it's a ping pong match going on in my mind. I throw out a thought, and it comes flying back at me only for me to hit back again...back and forth, back and forth. I feel like Moses giving all kinds of excuses about my weaknesses trying to get out of what God has called me to do. When is God going to get tired of my whining and send me an "Aaron?" I don't want an Aaron. I want to whole hearted trust Him alone!

I hope if you are reading this that you aren't hoping for a list of reasons to home school (or not to home school for that matter). I don't think it's black and white. For every reason I threw out there, someone could volley back an opposing reason...a valid reason, a godly reason. I believe the Bible spells out many, many black and white issues, but this isn't one of them. For that reason, for now, I'm not going to list out the reasons why I feel God is calling us to home school. Also, in part because if we do choose to place our children within a school system there would be a whole host of reasons for it. But what it comes down to...like I said before...is determining what God's plan is for our individual family.

When it comes down to it I love spending time with my kids. I love being a mom. When I am teaching them and see them learning I get excited. It's becoming a passion. I love the planning, I love the researching, I love the teaching, I love to see them learn. When I see other home school families I am drawn to it. I like what I see, and I want to emulate that. When I read home school Blogs and read why other families home school my heart beats faster and my soul gets stirred...in a way that doesn't happen when I think about placing our children in a school system. I cannot imagine anything I would love to do more than what I'm doing now...raising, teaching, loving my children...I would even love more children!!

And as with any job anyone loves there are rough days. Sometimes really, really rough days. But maybe you know you love to do something when even on the roughest days you wouldn't want to change a thing. After all, this is an imperfect life and no matter where God leads you have to deal with rough days. I would rather spend my rough days doing this than anything else!

I guess that's the reason why I feel like God is leading us down this path. But I need to pray more...to make sure it's from Him. To make sure these desires and passions are for teaching our children at home. After all, it is entirely possible He may have a different plan...possibly teaching within the school system. But my desire is to be my childrens teacher...see, I'm letting the ping pong match continue (o: These are just some of my thoughts we are trying to sort through.